I would have them dump their Halloween bounty onto the table.

I would then proceed to search through it for unsealed packaging, foreign substances, or anything looking out of the ordinary. Anything falling into that category went into a separate pile to be discarded.

Any candy that looked spoiled or tainted went into another pile (notice the infected tip on the candy corn above.)

Finally, I would put the Reese’s and Snickers and the others that I really liked in a “For Further Review” pile.

What remained, I would put in the “allegedly safe” pile and let them take it to their rooms after a short lesson in the reality of excessive taxation and the ills of socialism.

I think we all came away from the Halloween holiday stronger people.